Billionaire Announces Plans for Florida Themed Park

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KISSIMMEE, FL – It seems there’s room in America’s Theme Park Capital for yet another entry. Eccentric billionaire Bruce Pinkman has announced plans for a Florida themed park located outside of Orlando. The full press …

The Chainsmokers Ft. Daya – Don’t Let Me Down

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“OK, just give me a sec. I’m saving my game.”

I call your name but you’re not around

“Yeah, I heard you! I’m saving my game.”

I say your name but you’re not around

(Under his breath) “Dramatic much? Not like your mother, my ass.”

I need you, I need you, I need you right now

“Babe… is it another spider? We talked about this…”

Yeah, I need you right now

“Goddammit… I’m coming.”

So don’t let me, don’t let me, don’t let me down

“All right, here we go… Oh shit! I missed. I think it fell over there.”

I think I’m losing my mind now

“Ya think? Of course I got him. You should have seen your face. Serves you right for interrupting my Fallout 4 time.”

Listen to: when talking yourself into celibacy.



Avril Lavigne – Sk8er Boi

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For this review, I will be playing the role of a SJW.

He was a boy/She was a girl

I see we’re starting with gender binary right off the bat. Should I be surprised? There’s no darker time in this country’s history herstory than 2002.

Can I make it any more obvious?

Check your privilege. Not everyone has the same advantages as you. What is obvious to you is not the case with everyone else. You literally could not have provided any less information on these two people than you did.

He was a punk/She did ballet

And now with the rigid, stereotypical gender roles? What if the cis male wants to do ballet? What if the headstrong woman wants to disappoint her parents? You don’t know their stories! You don’t know them!

He was a skater boy/She said see you later boy/He wasn’t good enough for her

As long as the patriarchy stands, no man has ever or will ever be good enough for any woman.

Listen to: if you deserve to be shackled in the man-made prison of marriage with a member of Nickelback.